


Nothing

by bby_bxrnes



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Blood, Bucky is running away from his feelings, Death, Drunk Bucky Barnes, F/M, Kidnapping, Nothing by The Script, Ransom Videos, Slight Jerk Steve, Song fic, Two Endings, Violence, sad bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 15:23:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17686040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bby_bxrnes/pseuds/bby_bxrnes
Summary: *Based on the song Nothing by The Script* You and Bucky have recently broken up but in a drunken haze, he shows up at your door begging for forgiveness.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this fic has two parts, here's the first one!

_Am I better off dead?_

_Am I better off a quitter? ___

__“Y/N, I’m really sorry but I don’t think this is going to work.” Bucky said, the words coming out cold and monotonous, while inside his heart was breaking. He didn’t want to do this but it was for your safety. There were people still after him and he didn’t want you getting caught in the crossfire._ _

__“What?” you breathe, frozen in your spot standing in the doorway to your apartment. “We’re just not right for each other.” Bucky said, knowing he was spouting utter bullshit. “What the fuck do you mean? What happened to you’re never letting me go?” you exclaim, hurt boiling in your chest._ _

__Bucky barely held back his flinch with the words you spat at him. “I’m sorry but I can’t keep seeing you.” He said, bile rising in his throat as he turned and walked away. He knew it was cowardly what he was doing, but he couldn’t live with himself if you got hurt because of him._ _

___They say I’m better off now_ _ _

___Than I ever was with her._ _ _

__“Buck, stop moping and get out here.” Steve called through the door of his best friends room. Bucky had been locked in his room for the past few days after returning to the tower from your apartment. “Go away!” Bucky yelled, face still buried in his pillow._ _

__He had barely moved from his bed since he got back, only getting up to go to the bathroom. He hadn’t even eaten or drunk after what he did. He felt like shit and looked the part too. “Bucky if you don’t open up, I’m going to break down the door.” Steve threatened, hearing Bucky’s groan in response._ _

__“Fine.” Bucky huffed, getting up and stomping to the door and violently throwing it open. “You look like hell.” Steve commented after doing a once over of his friend. “Thanks.” Bucky rolled his eyes and continued glaring at Steve._ _

__“Did you need something?” Bucky asked as Steve just kept staring at him with his famous kicked puppy face._ _

__“Thor’s here. He brought some presents for us. I figured you could use some guy time.” Steve said, shrugging. “I’m not sure man. I don’t really feel up for it.” Bucky mumbled, not ready to move on from you._ _

__“You can’t keep beating yourself up for it Buck. You had to do it, you know what this life can do. It destroys everyone close to you and you know HYDRA would use her against you.” Steve said, voicing every thought Bucky had when making his decision._ _

__“But what if I did more harm to her by doing that? You didn’t see her face man. It broke my heart.” he said, looking up and seeing understanding in the blonde’s eyes._ _

___They say a few drinks will help me to forget her_ _ _

__“Just come have a couple drinks with me and Thor, Buck. Have some fun. It’ll help more than you think.” Steve encourages. “Fine. But only this once.” Bucky agreed, rolling his eyes again at his friend’s broad smile._ _

__“Could you freshen up a bit first Buck? You smell.” Steve said, an apologetic smile on his face. “Sure. I’ll be down to the common room in a half hour.” Bucky said with the same monotonous tone he had used the other night._ _

__Steve nodded affirmatively and walked away, leaving Bucky to sigh and close his door. Bucky reluctantly trudged to the bathroom and started the shower, stripping while the water heated up. His head filled with memories from your short relationship as he stepped under the warm cascade of water. He thought back to the first time the two of you had shared a shower._ _

__He had stayed the night at your apartment after a movie night, the two of you too tired to actually do anything beyond just sleeping. The two of you had woken in a haste, the both of you on the verge of being late but both needing a shower._ _

__You had agreed to share a shower, using it for that reason alone. You helped wash him and he returned the favor, his calloused hands softly rubbing body wash all over you. Tears stung the back of his eyes as he thought back to the feeling of your small hands running over him so gently, ridiculously afraid of hurting him._ _

__His sadness channeled into anger, anger at himself for hurting you and himself by letting himself be vulnerable to you. Without thinking, he punched the wall with his flesh hand, seeing the tile crack and feeling the dull throbbing start in his knuckles._ _

__He finished cleaning himself as quickly as possible, avoiding the small cuts on his hand from punching the wall. His eyes still burned from unshed tears as he re-dressed in clean clothes and pulled his hair into a semi-presentable bun._ _

__Bucky refused to even look at himself in the mirror as he left the safety of his room to meet Steve and Thor in the common room two floors down. “James, I’m glad you decided to come.” Thor greeted as Bucky walked into the room, head still hung low. No matter how much he asked, Thor refused to call him Bucky, instead insisting on calling him by his first name, James._ _

__Bucky only nodded and dropped down onto the couch next to Steve, shooting him a quick glare for making him get out and socialize. Steve just gave him that sad smile and handed him a large tankard full of the mead Thor had brought with him._ _

___But after one too many, I know that I’ll never_ _ _

__Bucky took an experimental sip, deciding he liked the burn of the alcohol, before chugging almost half of the glass. Steve and Thor conversed happily while Bucky sat, brooding and nursing his drink._ _

__After one, he felt a slight buzz starting in his head, mind starting to drift from his friend’s conversation to you again. “Can I get another?” he asked, Thor smiling and refilling Bucky’s tankard for him. Bucky figured if he drank enough, he’d be able to forget all the soft touches that lingered on his body._ _

__Bucky chugged the drink, setting it on the table in front of him, ignoring Steve’s concerned glances. Thor glanced at him sideways as well, but filled the glass once again. Instead of chasing the memories away, they just continued filling his head, one after the other._ _

___Only they can’t see where this is gonna end_ _ _

___They all think I’m crazy but to me it’s perfect sense_ _ _

__“Do you know why I suddenly realized I wasn’t good for her?” Bucky blurted out, words slurring in his drunken state. “Why?” Steve asked, sighing as his effort to help his friend to forget failed._ _

__“She said she loved me. I couldn’t say it back cause I realized how badly she could get hurt if I said them back. I got up and I ran. I ran like the coward I am, and then the next day I was back there spouting all this bullshit about how we weren’t right for each other.” Bucky said, huffing out a short sarcastic laugh._ _

__“You know that they’d use her to get to you Buck. You did what you had to do to keep her safe.” Steve repeated while Thor just sat there, looking at Bucky pensively._ _

__“See that’s the thing Steve. I could’ve done it any other way. I could’ve asked her to move in here so she’d be safer. I could’ve moved into her place so I could protect her better. But no, I took the cowards way out and broke her heart. And broke my own in the process.” Bucky said, his mouth always running on its own when he was drunk. The other two just sat there as Bucky continued to talk._ _

__“I doubt she’d ever take me back though. Right? After what I did to her, she’d never forgive me.” he said, taking another long swig of the only alcohol that could get him drunk. “You never know unless you try.” Thor added, closing his mouth after Steve shot him a pointed glare._ _

__“You know what, you’re right.” Bucky said, getting up on wobbly legs and taking a moment to right himself before searching for the shoes he left in the common room. Steve and Thor stood up with him, prepared to catch him if his legs gave out._ _

__Bucky finally found the running shoes he had stashed and clumsily shoved his feet into them before stumbling towards the elevator. Steve and Thor made eye contact and shrugged before following their drunken friend into the lift and out into the chilly city air. They followed at a distance as Bucky stumbled down the streets of New York away from the Avengers Tower._ _

___And my mates are all there trying to calm me down_ _ _

___‘Cause I’m shouting your name all over town_ _ _

___I’m swearing if I go there now,_ _ _

___I can change her mind, turn it all around_ _ _

__“Y/N!!” he yelled, catching the attention of his two more sober friends who now jogged to catch up to him and secured their hands on his shoulders. “No! I can fix it!” he snarled, shoving his friends' hands off of him._ _

__“Bucky, just calm down.” Steve said through gritted teeth. “Y/N!!” he called again, Steve trying to clap a hand over his best friend’s mouth. Thor just looked sadly down at him and tried to secure his drunk friend with a strong arm across his chest._ _

__“Fuck off Thor.” Bucky growled, shoving his hand away. Even while drunk, Bucky was still extremely strong._ _

___And I know that I’m drunk but I’ll say the words_ _ _

___And she’ll listen this time even though they’re slurred_ _ _

__“Bucky you’re drunk!” Steve said, attempting to aid Thor in restraining Bucky. “I know that! She’ll listen to me, she’s gotta!” Bucky said, swinging his metal hand back at Steve._ _

__“Jesus Buck, calm down!” He yelled, narrowly avoiding the swinging metal. “Y/N!” Bucky screamed even louder this time as the trio approach your apartment building._ _

___So I stumble there, along the railings and the fences_ _ _

___I know if we’re face to face then she’ll come to her senses._ _ _

___Every drunk step I take leads me to her door_ _ _

___If she sees how much I’m hurting, she’ll take me back for sure_ _ _

__The rest of the walk consisted of more yelling and aggression from Bucky, halfhearted attempts at stopping him from Thor, and Steve doing his best to stop him to no avail._ _

__Bucky was so set on getting to your door to realize that Steve and Thor were no longer following him. He stumbled through the hallways, leaning on the walls for support as he approached your door._ _

__“Y/N? Open up, doll.” he groaned as he knocked frantically on your door._ _

___So I, dialed her number and confessed to her_ _ _

___I’m still in love but all I heard_ _ _

___Was nothing_ _ _

__You opened the door to the sound of frantic knocks and slurred words to see a drunk and disheveled Bucky leaning against your door frame for support. You almost slammed the door in his face but then you saw the desperate look in his eyes as he whispered one word, “Please”._ _

__So you left the door open and waited for him to explain._ _

__“I really didn’t wanna leave ya doll. I just, I knew my past would catch up to me. This life, you don’t get it doll, it destroys people. And when it destroys people, it destroys the people around them and I couldn’t let that happen to you, doll. You’re too good and you don’t deserve all the pain I woulda’ brought ya.” He started, some words slurring together from the alcohol in his system._ _

__“But I realized that there are other ways I could protect you. You could move into the tower with me so they couldn’t get to you. You’d be safe there and I could protect you. But I wanna warn you doll, there are still HYDRA members out there trying to take me back doll and the easiest way to me is through you cause I’m vulnerable around you. You make me let my guard down and I get distracted and that’s dangerous for you and me. But I’m willing to take the chance and put everything I am into protecting you because you’re worth it doll. I love you.” He breathed the last part out softly and looked at you with hopeful eyes._ _

__He was searching for any hint of forgiveness or anything but your face was just blank as you processed everything he had just said to you. He saw your jaw drop, then close, then open again as you tried to put words together, and just as you were about to say something, everything went dark and his arm that was holding him up on the door frame gave out as he passed out in the hallway, your cries of horror falling on deaf ears._ _

___Sometimes love’s intoxicating_ _ _

___You’re coming down, your hands are shaking_ _ _

___When you realize there’s no one waiting_ _ _

__When Bucky woke up, his head was throbbing and he could feel his entire body shaking. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and realized he was still laying in the middle of the hallway of your apartment building._ _

__“What the fuck?” he questioned when he looked towards your apartment door, expecting to see it shut, instead it was hanging off its hinges, the inside of your apartment completely trashed._ _

__“No, no, no no no!” he exclaimed, jumping to his feet but bracing himself against the wall when his head throbbed in response to the quick movement. Just at that time, Steve and Thor came running down the hallway towards him, concern etched on their faces. “She’s gone, she’s gone!” he chanted as he moved into the apartment to look for her._ _

__“Buck, what happened?” Steve asked, standing in the doorway wide-eyed. “I don’t know! I could ask you the same!” Bucky said, wheeling around and stalking towards his best friend, a snarl on his face._ _

__“We were following you but someone hit us over the head. We weren’t out for long so we did our best to make our way here on our own, but we didn’t know the way. Had to call Tony to get her address.” Steve explained, hands held up defensively as Bucky approached him with a murderous expression._ _

__“I was waiting for her to respond and I just passed out in the hallway. I woke up and her apartment was like this.” Bucky said, starting to pace and pull at his hair that had escaped the bun at some time last night._ _

__“Buck, it’s okay, we’ll find her.” Steve said, grabbing his distraught friend by the shoulders. “I will call Stark and inform him of this development.” Thor said, stepping back into the hallway and pulling out his cell phone that he had recently learned how to use. “It’s my fault.” was all Bucky could say as the tears fell freely now._ _

__“It’s gonna be okay Buck, we’ll get her back.” Steve said as he pulled his slightly shorter friend in for a hug, Bucky clutching weakly at Steve’s jacket as he sobbed._ _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After learning that you’ve been kidnapped by HYDRA, Bucky and the team rush to save you before it’s too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's part two. There are two options for the ending, one sad if you want to torture yourself and one happy if you don't. Russian translations at the end of the chapter.

When you came to, your hands were secured to a metal chair and your ankles were tied to the legs of the chair. You looked around but found nothing familiar in the dingy stone walls surrounding you. The metal doors scraped open and your eyes snapped to assess the man that had entered. 

He was tall and lanky and carried a tripod with a camcorder attached to it. You gulped at all the implications that the camera could mean. “Who are you? Where am I?” you cried, struggling at your restraints. 

“We’re gonna send a message to a very important person.” he answered cryptically in a thick Russian accent. Your body filled with dread as he sat up the camera in front of you and pressed a few buttons. “Let’s have some fun.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky couldn’t breathe as he watched the video that had been mailed to him earlier that day. He had brought it straight to the conference room and gave it to Tony to play. He refused to tear his eyes away from your body as a masked man walked into the shot towards you where you were secured to a chair. 

_“What are you doing? Get away from me!” Her voice rung out through the room and the man let out a sinister chuckle. “You’re going to help me get something back.” the man answered, grabbing her hair and yanking her head back, making her cry out in pain. He leaned down and whispered something in her ear which made her let out a ragged sob._

_“No!” she cried, thrashing as much as her restraints allowed. The man growled and pulled a knife from his belt, slicing down the front of her shirt and ripping the clothing off of her. “Now listen here сука. You’re going to listen and do as I say, and I won’t hurt you as bad.” the masked man snarled, holding the knife to her throat. “Fuck you!” You screamed at him, baring your teeth._

_He laughed ominously and dragged the knife down her sternum, a stream of blood trickling down her exposed stomach and she whimpered lightly. The man set the knife on the ground and grabbed her face. “Are you going to listen now?” he asked. Her answer was to spit in his face. He backed away a few steps and wiped her spit from his face. “Я научу вас некоторым манерам!” he exclaimed angrily, stepping forward again and slapping her hard across her left cheek._

_The man continued to cut and slap you for another few minutes before you finally complied and whimpered the words he had been asking for the whole time. “Bucky, help me!” You had cried before the video was stopped abruptly._

The room was silent as all eyes fell on Bucky who sat staring at the screen, your words echoing in his head. “Did you recognize anything? The man, the location?” Steve finally spoke up. “I, I think I recognized the room.” he said, voice cracking with emotion. 

The world slowed and the only sound he could hear was the blood rushing in his ears. He told himself he’d never go back to that place, the place where they wiped and reset him so many times. He started to panic, his chest constricting and it got hard to breathe.

He felt a strong hand rest on his shoulder and he looked up to see Steve looking down at him. “You’re okay Buck, you’re here with us, they can’t hurt you anymore.” he said in a calming tone. “They have her in that room! They put her in there!” he growled, standing up quickly and starting to pace around the room. tugging on his hair anxiously. 

“Where is it, Buck?” Steve asked, standing and watching his best friend pace like a madman. “DC. That’s the exact room they wiped me in. They put her in the exact chair!” he groaned, turning to punch the wall as hard as possible with his metal hand. 

“She’s gonna be okay, Джеймс. We’re gonna get her.” Natasha said, trying her hand at soothing the agitated man. Bucky turned and sat tensely in his chair again. “Let’s go save my girl.” he said, looking around at the team.

The jet ride over was tensely quiet. No one spoke, they just glanced at Bucky who was sitting rigid, checking each of his guns obsessively. Clint landed the jet quietly in the field outside of the old HYDRA building. They walked silently, Natasha, Steve, and Bucky were to go in while Tony, Wanda, and Sam waited outside in case the other three needed backup. 

“We’ll split up, if you find Y/N, let me know, if you find the fucker that took her, detain him and leave him for me.” Bucky ordered before pulling the door open and silently entering. Steve and Natasha nodded at each other before entering after him, silent as the night. 

Bucky remembered the building like the back of his hand, he checked every room he passed, keeping his weapon ready. His last and final stop was to check the room. He took a steadying breath and opened the door, breath catching when he saw you still restrained on the chair, head hanging, covered in your own blood. 

He quickly checked the rest of the room before rushing to the computer panel and undoing the restraints. Your arms fell loosely at your sides, still passed out. “Darlin’, c’mon, wake up for me, doll. I’m here now.” he whispered, kneeling by your side, taking your hands in his. “Buck?” your voice was raspy from your screaming and crying, your eyes fluttering open.

**Sad Ending**

“I’m here doll, you’re gonna be okay.” he felt the tears well up in his eyes. He was so distracted by you that he didn’t hear the man creep into the room. “Well, well, look who finally showed up.” the man taunted, Bucky tensing and snapping his head over to look at the man standing in the doorway. 

“желание,” the man started. “That doesn’t work on me anymore.” Bucky growled, drawing his gun again and aiming at the man. He snarled and quicker than lightning, drew his gun, firing in Bucky’s direction. 

Bucky fired his gun, hitting dead between the man’s eyes. He looked over at you and smiled lightly, the smile disappearing when he saw the blood gushing from a new wound in your abdomen. 

“NO!” he screamed, pulling your weak body from the chair and into his arms. “No, stay with me, doll, you’re okay.” he said, heart rate going up. “Buck,” you coughed, a little bit of blood leaking from the side of your mouth. 

“Shhh, don’t talk, you’re gonna be okay, don’t close your eyes, doll.” he said, watching you struggle to keep your eyes open. “I, I never got to tell you Buck. I love you too. So much.” you groaned, coughing again and spluttering on the blood that entered your mouth. 

“Hey, you’re gonna be okay. Just stay with me.” he was desperate now, so focused on keeping you alive, he didn’t see Steve and Natasha enter the room. He distantly heard Steve’s voice call “We need medical in here now!” into his com. 

“Buck, I forgive you. Please, forgive yourself. I love you.” you struggled to say, feeling it get harder to breathe. “I love you too, doll, you’re gonna be okay.” he whimpered, feeling your pulse start to slow. 

“No, no, no!” he cried out, scrambling to put more pressure on the wound to slow the bleeding. He felt his heart shatter when your body went limp in his arms, the light leaving your eyes. 

“No, I love you Y/N! Come back to me!” he cried, his breathing coming out as harsh sobs now. He was screaming, clutching your lifeless body to his chest, silent tears rolling down Steve and Natasha’s faces seeing his agony. “Buck, she’s gone.” Steve choked out, trying to pry him away from you. 

“NO! I can fix it!” Bucky cried, trying to get out of Steve’s grasp, but his will to fight was gone, everything was going numb. He collapsed into a heap in the corner, sobbing and watching in disbelief as Wanda arrived and begun levitating your body out of the room. 

You were gone for good this time. He has nothing left, his love is gone.

**Happy Ending**

“Hey, I’m here. You’re okay.” he sighed in relief, rubbing his thumbs over your knuckles. He heard the dark chuckle and had his gun drawn before the man even entered the room. 

“Welcome back, солдат.” he said, using that word Bucky hated so much. “Give me one reason to not kill you right now.” Bucky growled, keeping his eyes locked on the man through the sight of his gun. 

“желание,” he said, trying to reset him again. “Fuck you.” Bucky growled, firing his gun and hitting the man dead between the eyes. He breathed out a sigh of relief when the man dropped into a heap on the ground. Steve rushed in at the sound of the gunshot, Natasha close behind him.

You sobbed in relief and threw yourself into Bucky’s arms, holding onto him for dear life. “Shhh, you’re okay darlin’. I’ve got you.” Bucky said, clutching you tight to his chest. 

“I love you! I love you, I love you, I love you!” you chanted, tears of relief streaming down your face. “I love you too doll, so fucking much. I promise I’ll never leave again, I was a jerk and I was stupid. If you’ll have me, I’m yours.” he said, rocking back and forth in an effort to help soothe you. 

“Yes, god, yes. I missed you so much Bucky.” you cried, holding onto you even tighter if it was even possible. 

“I’m sorry I dragged you into this mess. If I was with you and sober this never would have happened.” he whispered, feeling hot tears of guilt trail down his cheeks. “Buck, don’t do that. You saved me it’s okay!” you cried, pulling your face from the crook of his neck to look him in the eyes. 

You wiped a tear from his face with your thumb, just looking at the man you love. You leaned forward and gave him a long overdue kiss, the both of you putting all your feelings into what was probably the most emotional kiss the two of you had ever shared. Bucky’s muscles finally relaxed when your lips moved against his, all his fears and doubts flying away as he held you in his arms. 

You were his everything and he’s never letting you go again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Russian Words/Phrases:  
> сука: Bitch  
> Я научу вас некоторым манерам!: I’ll Teach You Some Manners!  
> Джеймс: James  
> солдат: Soldier  
> желание: Longing


End file.
